♥

On the flip side can somebody kill me I think I’m madly in love with a boy from my English course, I have never spoken to him in my entire life, I’ve never even smiled at him, he has never looked at me. He’s beautiful, his girlfriend is beautiful, they are a beautiful couple and I can’t stop staring at him in lectures.

The bad:

• I’ve been so, so angry because I’ve seen a friend so hurt by unbelievably horrible words from a horrible person and felt powerless to help.
• I’ve had to hurt somebody myself: trying to do the right thing because in the end a relationship just wasn’t right for me.
• Crying uncontrollably when visiting the financial aid office at uni because my stubborn attempt at trying to pay for everything has backfired because I had to quit one of my jobs and I have to somehow pay this stupid £600 extra module fee and put money aside for SRI LANKA (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 

But, there is the good, and the really good:

• Working incredibly hard and feeling so, so, so satisfied every time I finish a piece of work.
• Finding time to be sociable and I’m enjoying myself so much more this semester.
• SRI LANKA
• Having such a close bond with my family at the moment, I have never been so close my mum as I am now and it’s making me so happy.
• Manchester this Friday: I’m seeing a very old friend who is bound to make me smile (even though I’m still not sure how appropriate it is, him being an ex’s friend)
• SRI LANKA
• Liverpool on Saturday: to see my middle sister who I miss so much and have a crazy night out with lots of people with rubbish accents.

And lastly:

• Making new friendships, re-kindling old ones, and keeping current ones so strong - such an important thing for me because I’ve spent the majority of my life being so insecure, thinking that I’m never worth anybody’s time, I’ve had childhood experiences that have left me feeling like I’m not friend-worthy, sometimes I’ve not helped myself, and I’ve had so many friendships that have gone wrong in huge proportions. People at times have reduced me to almost nothing, and at times I’ve done that to myself, but the people around me at the moment make me feel so loved. I’m not unhappy. Thank you.

Unproductive day, I didn’t get any work done as I travelled back from London with Sammy after about 2 hours sleep on the floor and so we proceeded to nap when we got home, but we didn’t wake up until 11, so now we’re awake and takeaway is on the way woooooooooo! We are the sexiest.

Somehow started a dance off in the gay club last night and everybody was in a circle with whoever was twerking their stuff in the middle it was hilarious and much better because I didn’t drink anything when we got out. Weeeeeee happy! Library all day tomorrow to make up for being bad today!

Such a productive day today.

• Woke up at 8.30
• Hit snooze
• Woke up at 9.00
• Hit snooze
• Woke up at 9.15
• Set off for my 10 o’clock lectures
• Sat quietly plotting my whole classes doom whilst making lots of notes for two hours
• Forgot my bike keys so had to walk home
• Went to work
• Went to the gym for 2 house with Vikki
• Come home and cooked spag bol
• Study session with Vikki and Sammy in bed whilst LOTR and The Road to El Dorado plays in the background. 
• Me and Sammy spamming each other’s facebook walls because we are da best

• Decided I’m doing my dissertation on Lord of the Rings and no bitch can stop me.
• Realised my writing sucks

I’m so happy, I’ve done so much work in the past few days. Pages and pages of beautiful notes, if I don’t do well this semester I have nothing to blame but my inferior intelligence.

A slight cough and croaky voice is all that’s left of feeling ill which is amazing. Last night our house was full of friends and some questionable characters. I began drinking at 5 and was sobered up by 10 and spent the evening floating about the house making sure nothing was broken and hoping people would leave soon because I wanted to go to bed (I was in one of those moods). Highlights were:

• Sammy’s friends being extremely drunk and giving him lap dances which made every other guy at the party jealous and a very, very drunk Sammy horrified,
• Seeing everybody together again and spending time with my friends,
• the fact our house wasn’t even that messy this morning and there is only minor damage
• Receiving very drunk texts from my best friend,
• Day off today (and tomorrow, and Sunday!) awwwwwwwwwww yeah!

The downside that I miss my camera and made do with my Iphone, and that I didn’t sleep because three people in Vikki’s bed just doesn’t work, so I’ve spent all today asleep - Shane passed out in my bed and I didn’t feel comfortable sleeping next to him because he was so drunk he was kind of hitting on me and I felt super awkward. And that I really didn’t feel like drinking last night and was really boring and tired (which is probably a good thing because I am recovering from my throat infection).

It snowed again too and it’s pretty outside until I have to get to lectures and work. I love that I can spend the entire weekend catching up on my work and reading and get back to uni now I’m feeling better.

Ok I feel so horrible me and Sammy got pizza hut delivery and I ate pizza and chicken wings and nachos and cheesecake and I feel really sick, it totally wasn’t worth ruining a whole months veganism bldufghfuihgfhfgh angry at myself!

But I did go to the museum today with Tom and it was really nice :) he goes home tomorrow so I actually ventured outside into town in the snow even though I’m still ill, but I guess he was worth it even though I was being really tired and moody. There was loads of cool things like Samurai swords and amazing old gold jewellery that I would definitely wear now, so would really appreciate it if somebody would buy me some ancient african gold princess jewellery please…

And there was cool rocks and dinosaur bones and japanese tapestrys and stuff. Such a history nerd at heart. 

And now me and Sammy are lying in my bed listening to Beyonce, love love love my life ok now go away tonsillitis! 

Since I began this blog, 1 month ago, I have been ill (this time being the ultimate worst) three times.

WHAT THE FUCK IMMUNE SYSTEM?

I AM DEFINITELY GOING TO SRI LANKA THIS SUMMER CAN I BE ANY MORE EXCITED?! I can’t believe this is actually happening. 5+ weeks being somewhere completely alien and doing something incredible and worthwhile. 5+ weeks in a wonderful place where I can totally live within a different culture and see incredible places, and share this with my friends Gigi and Georgie!

This information has completely overshadowed my moodiness that I probably have tonsillitis right now and I’m curled up at home trying to recover. Standard reaction to not getting enough sleep and being run down over the past few days. Things could be worse though, because even though I gave all my medicine to Georgie because she was ill, Tom ran down to the shops for me and got me lemsip and paracetamol and looked after me even though I half blame him for me feeling ill anyway! But now I have supernatural season 6 volume 2 to keep my company, and the girlies are coming over tonight with takeaway wagamamas (again!) and movies. 

Yesterday at work was the longest shift I’ve ever done, I was croaky and tired and also put in charge (wahaaaaaaay responsibilty!) because all of the managers were at the area managers meeting. Instead of getting a very early night last night Sammy had some friends over and I ended up staying up drinking Sangria and eating popcorn and watching Hostel part 1, and being in contact with an old friend which was really nice.

The sangria probably not the best idea in hindsight looking at the fact I feel even worse today. But I have 3 days off to get some work done, recover and be back in lectures and at work by Monday. It will take more than a sore throat to put me in a bad mood at the moment :)